[00:00:00] In Hamburg gibt es ein Polizeirevier, in dem kann alles geschehen. Von Nächten mit Filmriss auf dem Kiez bis zu privaten Dramen auf der Wache.
[00:00:09] Von ägyptischen Schätzen, die verschwinden, bis zu Kollegen, die immer füreinander da sind. Und von großen Fischen, die ins Netz gehen, bis zu kleinen Haien, die noch eine Chance bekommen.
[00:00:22] Das Großstadtrevier. Mehr als ein Revier. Immer montags um 18.50 Uhr im Ersten.
[00:00:56] Der Profile kamen drei verschiedene Male.
[00:00:58] Er war viel mehr mehr als die andere.
[00:01:03] Ich würde weder swipe left oder swipe right, und es war ein einfaches Entscheidung.
[00:01:06] Er war der ich die Bilder, alle die Fotos, alle die Fotos, für einen Grunde, ich war aber nicht.
[00:01:14] Aber ich war trakt, und ich war nicht sicher, ob es ein Blick in den Augen oder es war was, was ich das Gefühl.
[00:01:22] I don't know if it was the mood, his dimples, prompts.
[00:01:27] There was a mischievous grin in his main profile picture.
[00:01:32] I couldn't tell if it was like comedy or something else.
[00:01:41] Something about that fourth time that I saw him come through, I was like, okay, fuck it.
[00:01:49] So I swiped right.
[00:02:03] Today's story is about a romance scam.
[00:02:05] But I can't exactly call it a romance scam because the scammer wasn't seeking money.
[00:02:12] He never asked for anything of material value, but he wanted something.
[00:02:17] And he wanted it from a lot of women over a long period of time.
[00:02:22] Did he want sex?
[00:02:24] Power?
[00:02:25] Love?
[00:02:26] Maybe something else?
[00:02:30] In this and the next episode, we'll explore that.
[00:02:33] I'm Jim Grinstead.
[00:02:35] But this is Brittany's story.
[00:02:38] And unfortunately, the story of many other women.
[00:02:41] You can hear all of Brittany's story on her podcast.
[00:02:45] I bet you think this story is about you.
[00:02:48] It's a highly personal and compelling story.
[00:02:51] And she will introduce you to some of the other people who were scammed by the man we'll call Canaan.
[00:02:56] I highly recommend it.
[00:02:58] And I'll provide a link to it in the show notes.
[00:03:01] But you can find it wherever you look for podcasts.
[00:03:05] I started out calling this a romance scam.
[00:03:08] But since there was no attempt at theft, I really hesitate to use that label.
[00:03:13] A lot of the techniques are the same.
[00:03:16] But the goals are murky.
[00:03:18] In part two, we'll talk with experts in this type of behavior.
[00:03:22] They have their own titles for it.
[00:03:25] But the one that stuck with me was polyamory scams.
[00:03:28] Even that's not fully correct as the women didn't know about one another.
[00:03:33] They weren't sister wives.
[00:03:38] This is Brittany's story.
[00:03:39] But it's scams and cons we're going to focus on why she and others fell for this scam.
[00:03:45] Much of this tale will come from a conversation between Brittany and myself.
[00:03:51] Part will come from her podcast.
[00:03:52] And when I'm sharing those clips, you'll hear this sound at the beginning and end of that clip.
[00:04:01] Brittany and I met at a podcaster conference.
[00:04:04] We asked each other about our podcast.
[00:04:07] And she asked if I had ever heard of a romance scam that didn't involve money.
[00:04:11] I hadn't.
[00:04:13] And she gave me an overview of her story.
[00:04:16] Honestly, I didn't believe her.
[00:04:19] But I listened to her podcast.
[00:04:21] Did some research.
[00:04:22] And came to believe such scams exist.
[00:04:25] I just didn't know how they worked or what the scammer wanted.
[00:04:30] As you heard at the beginning, Brittany and Kanan came together via a dating app.
[00:04:35] And a few days later, they met in person.
[00:04:38] I wanted to know what her life was like before she saw his profile.
[00:04:42] And what led her to make that swipe.
[00:04:46] It's interesting because I have a very full life.
[00:04:52] Friends and family.
[00:04:54] And my job is very fulfilling.
[00:04:55] I have a whole bunch of kids.
[00:04:58] I historically have done that even when I was married.
[00:05:03] Not really with a partner.
[00:05:04] I sort of took on the main roles in that.
[00:05:07] And after my divorce, I made a decision to stay single for a while and sort things out.
[00:05:15] And I didn't realize until about a year after my divorce how lonely I was.
[00:05:24] Just for romantic connection.
[00:05:26] It's a different experience.
[00:05:29] And when I decided to start dating again, it was with the intention not to find my everlasting partner.
[00:05:39] But to find someone that I could connect with.
[00:05:42] So I went into dating with that intention.
[00:05:54] We went on a date within two days of matching.
[00:05:56] And I, at the time, was doing a walk for all my first dates.
[00:06:02] Kanan lived in Tacoma and I was in Seattle.
[00:06:05] I ended up going down to Tacoma to meet him because my best friend lives down there.
[00:06:10] And I was like, we'll go on a walk and then I can meet my best friend for dinner.
[00:06:13] You know, sort of kill two birds with one stone.
[00:06:16] Every time I go on a date, I have to send her screenshots.
[00:06:18] And like, this is the guy I'm seeing.
[00:06:21] This is where we're meeting.
[00:06:21] I will check in with you, you know, in an hour.
[00:06:24] If not, like, come rescue me.
[00:06:26] I actually got there early so that I could check out and see him arriving.
[00:06:35] Within 30 seconds of me hitting that curb, he was behind me, tapping me on my shoulder.
[00:06:42] I turned around and he said, can I interest you in some Bitcoin?
[00:06:47] Mischievous smile, dimples, and he went in for a hug.
[00:06:51] He is this gorgeous man that has so much charisma.
[00:06:57] Very attractive.
[00:06:59] He smelled amazing.
[00:07:01] On one night, Brittany and Kanan talked well past the time she was supposed to meet a friend for dinner.
[00:07:08] When Brittany realized it, she called her friend.
[00:07:13] She's like, where are you?
[00:07:15] And I was like, I'm okay.
[00:07:16] I'm going to be late for dinner.
[00:07:17] But I can't wait to get there because I think I'm going to let this guy fuck me up.
[00:07:52] Now, Brittany is no shy wallflower.
[00:08:00] She's an incredibly smart, powerful woman who has been responsible for many significant construction projects in the Northwest.
[00:08:08] When she and I had our conversation, she was in Barcelona, Spain for both fun and work.
[00:08:15] Some people would say that I'm overly confident, but I'm a confident person.
[00:08:19] So I didn't believe that I was looking for validation.
[00:08:23] But in hindsight and retrospect, there definitely is a big part of the things that I've experienced in my life that left me wanting to feel validated.
[00:08:36] And so I think that's where Kanan very easily stepped into that role.
[00:08:41] And this is the technique most romance scammers use, finding someone who's vulnerable.
[00:08:47] But remember, this isn't a romance scam, at least not a typical one.
[00:08:54] So I've been married twice.
[00:08:57] So it was my this was right after my second divorce.
[00:09:02] So and, you know, my my most recent ex-husband was not a complimentary person.
[00:09:09] He was a good person, but he just he wasn't that style.
[00:09:14] And Kanan was overly complimentary.
[00:09:17] It was really hard to not feel.
[00:09:22] Loved and beautiful and validated when you were with him.
[00:09:26] And and that wasn't just my experience.
[00:09:29] That was experience of the other women as well.
[00:09:33] And just what is Britney's type?
[00:09:36] Emotionally unavailable.
[00:09:38] Red flags is my type.
[00:09:39] And so that has been historically I tend to pick people that I feed the relationship the most.
[00:09:47] And with Kanan, he was so vulnerable with me in the things he would share.
[00:09:55] And as I said, complimentary that it was unlike any relationship that I had been in up to that point.
[00:10:04] So it isn't so much about height or weight or race or any of those things.
[00:10:11] My type has always just been people that I usually end up caring for more than care for me.
[00:10:18] So with Kanan, he fed into that matching me on that level.
[00:10:24] Kanan talked about his son and his 16 year old tour in the military.
[00:10:29] He was very open, maybe too open.
[00:10:33] And he liked to spend a lot of time with his military buddies.
[00:10:37] Britney later thought those were the times when he met with other women.
[00:10:40] After they were together or talked, she began to write the experiences down.
[00:10:45] Those writings turned into a kind of fairy tale diary about their future.
[00:10:55] From the first date on, I was falling in love with that love story.
[00:11:02] And I wanted to share it.
[00:11:09] I like to write down all the experiences in my life.
[00:11:12] And I talked to Kanan about us writing this book together to share our love story.
[00:11:18] And this is his first chapter.
[00:11:23] Babe, sorry it took so long.
[00:11:24] Today was a shorter day.
[00:11:26] And honestly, it's the first day in two weeks where I didn't have something else after work.
[00:11:31] It feels good being able to pour that energy into you because you do the same for me.
[00:11:36] I miss you every day.
[00:11:38] Enjoy and don't judge my writing.
[00:11:42] Fireworks, sparklers, explosions near and far.
[00:11:46] These are common to the celebration of the 4th of July.
[00:11:50] But it's not even sundown.
[00:11:51] And she's star-spangled bannering my ship.
[00:11:55] He grinned and skipped across the street.
[00:11:57] He was headed for the second day with her in a span of a few days.
[00:12:03] Things are escalating quickly.
[00:12:05] And he's here for it.
[00:12:07] She was unlike anyone he's ever met.
[00:12:11] Seductive, mysterious, assertive, passionate, but tranquil.
[00:12:18] All wrapped into one person.
[00:12:21] What kind of Pacific Northwest sorcery is this?
[00:12:24] She's aware.
[00:12:25] She's educated.
[00:12:27] She's funny.
[00:12:29] She's...
[00:12:29] Well...
[00:12:30] She's here as he sneaks up behind her while she glares out at the sound.
[00:12:35] As they stepped off in pursuit of a magical conversation over another 10,000 steps.
[00:12:41] Damn.
[00:12:41] I want to co-parent a plant with this woman.
[00:12:44] Play it cool.
[00:12:45] We both spot an empty bench facing our version of the Mona Lisa.
[00:12:50] Yeah.
[00:12:51] You guessed it.
[00:12:52] Water.
[00:12:54] Water.
[00:12:55] We sat quietly as she started to dump it all.
[00:12:58] And I mean all.
[00:13:01] The hesitations in her voice hovered over him like a cumulus cloud.
[00:13:05] Or whichever one brings those torrential downpours.
[00:13:08] Two and a half hours passed by so quickly.
[00:13:11] He walked her to her vehicle like a gentleman should.
[00:13:15] Another skipped heartbeat.
[00:13:17] Of course, she reversed into the parking stall.
[00:13:20] Who is this woman?
[00:13:23] They start making out again without a care in the world of who's around.
[00:13:28] They both jumped and shuffled quickly.
[00:13:30] As unknowingly, the impromptu make-out session blocked the adjacent car from leaving.
[00:13:35] They both giggled and without hesitation in a soft voice, she said,
[00:13:40] Oops.
[00:13:41] Sorry.
[00:13:42] This is dating at 40.
[00:13:44] They laughed and he dived in once more for a departing kiss on her freckles.
[00:13:51] Yes, we are definitely going to cope with her.
[00:13:57] It's an elaborate fairy tale.
[00:14:00] It's an elaborate fairy tale.
[00:14:00] But does Brittany believe she was creating a narrative that not only drew her closer to Canaan,
[00:14:05] but also blinded her to the red flags?
[00:14:08] The red flags that sort of pop up, they're not going to fit into the story because that's not going to create that fairy tale ending.
[00:14:17] And so you avoid the things that I think your intuition tells you to look at and you,
[00:14:30] Well, not this guy or I'm too smart to get taken by this or I would notice if there was a problem.
[00:14:39] Even a trip they went on together seemed more like a fairy tale than real life.
[00:14:43] But what was happening was real.
[00:14:46] We got on the plane.
[00:14:48] He reached into his carry-on bag and pulled out this book that he gave to me.
[00:14:56] And this book was cartoon characters of him and I on the dates and adventures that we had been on over the last five months.
[00:15:07] The very last page of the book was,
[00:15:10] This book lists just a few of the reasons why I didn't sell you Bitcoin.
[00:15:15] I can't wait to spend my life discovering more and more reasons to love you.
[00:15:21] It was almost too good.
[00:15:23] So good the red flags went higher on their poles.
[00:15:27] There was another time the red flags began flapping.
[00:15:30] This time it was when Kanan was in conversation with Greg,
[00:15:34] one of Brittany's relatives who's deeply interested in other people.
[00:15:38] Kanan and Greg fell deep into conversation.
[00:15:42] The story that Kanan was telling in that moment was not the same story that I had heard before.
[00:15:49] The details of the story that he was telling were different than he had told me previously.
[00:15:55] And it was similar enough that it made sense.
[00:16:02] But I also started questioning the story he told me.
[00:16:06] Or which story do I believe?
[00:16:13] I remember watching Kanan and Greg talking and Kanan's everything started to change.
[00:16:24] How he was sitting, how he was crossing his legs, his tone in his voice.
[00:16:29] And he started mirroring Greg.
[00:16:34] And it was incredible to watch.
[00:16:39] And it didn't make any sense to me.
[00:16:43] Because it wasn't how he had ever talked to me.
[00:16:46] I had never seen this side of him.
[00:16:52] That with the phone and sort of some of the other stuff
[00:16:56] was for sure the first time that I really started questioning all of it.
[00:17:03] And that entire trip was when he just unraveled.
[00:17:09] And with that, the process began of trying to find out who Kanan really was.
[00:17:15] In her podcast, Brittany describes how she began discovering other women
[00:17:20] who'd been taken in by Kanan.
[00:17:22] This is Brittany talking about one of the other women in Kanan's life.
[00:17:27] They had gone on vacation.
[00:17:29] And some of his military friends were with them
[00:17:33] who seemed to be very aware of his behavior and tolerate it.
[00:17:38] At one point, Kanan and her had had sex against the window of their hotel.
[00:17:44] And apparently all the military buddies were outside and could see them.
[00:17:49] And she didn't know this until he butt dialed her later.
[00:17:54] Oh yeah, and he heard them talking about it with his friends
[00:17:58] and that the friends saw everything, which was just like horrible to hear.
[00:18:03] And they're laughing in the background about, you know, all of this.
[00:18:06] And she was thinking it was...
[00:18:09] A good moment between her and her boyfriend
[00:18:11] not to be used as like humiliation for his friends.
[00:18:16] But it also shows how his friends are because they're all...
[00:18:20] We're involved in that very much so.
[00:18:22] And we're okay with it if they're sitting there laughing about it afterwards.
[00:18:27] Brittany now knows there's at least one other woman.
[00:18:30] But are there more?
[00:18:32] Because of the nature of the social media group
[00:18:35] that I had posted him in,
[00:18:39] once you post, it's up.
[00:18:41] And so initially after I found out about the first woman,
[00:18:47] I ended it and I was grieving that relationship
[00:18:51] just in the he cheated on me.
[00:18:54] But it was also a casual cheat.
[00:18:57] She didn't think that they were exclusive.
[00:18:59] It was sort of a hookup thing.
[00:19:02] But because of the social media group,
[00:19:06] women would comment when they would come across the post.
[00:19:10] So up to even today,
[00:19:14] I will get comments from people
[00:19:16] saying that they had an interaction.
[00:19:19] And so what ended up happening is
[00:19:21] over the next couple months,
[00:19:23] more and more women were commenting
[00:19:25] and their stories didn't match mine
[00:19:29] as far as his history and those things.
[00:19:32] And once I came out of the fog of the relationship,
[00:19:37] I wanted to know his story.
[00:19:41] I wanted to understand what had happened.
[00:19:45] And a lot of it was part of my healing,
[00:19:47] trying to determine,
[00:19:51] was this just a bad connection?
[00:19:53] Did I misunderstand our relationship?
[00:19:56] Or did I get conned?
[00:19:58] Because that's really what he does,
[00:20:02] is this long love con on women.
[00:20:06] And that seems to be his only motivation.
[00:20:09] So that sort of psychopathy really fascinates me.
[00:20:13] And once I met the women and got to know them more
[00:20:17] and realized that they also are strong in their careers,
[00:20:23] you know, heavy in their families
[00:20:25] and really amazing women,
[00:20:28] how did we all get taken by this?
[00:20:32] And so it just evolved into me
[00:20:36] wanting to understand more.
[00:20:38] With so many women,
[00:20:39] it's not surprising that details would change.
[00:20:42] I believe that Kanan was able
[00:20:46] to keep the story straight with all of us
[00:20:49] because we all had a different story.
[00:20:53] So it was like each of us had our own plot in his brain.
[00:20:59] He could tell me that he just had a conversation
[00:21:01] with his brother and talk to somebody else
[00:21:04] and say, oh, I was just talking to my sister.
[00:21:06] But he's not going to trip up
[00:21:08] on what those conversations were
[00:21:09] because they're different characters in each one.
[00:21:13] And I think that is how he keeps it all straight.
[00:21:18] It's either that
[00:21:19] or he has an impressive spreadsheet
[00:21:21] of who's coming over
[00:21:23] and what their favorite dinner is
[00:21:26] because he remembered very specific things
[00:21:30] about me
[00:21:32] in offhanded comments I would make in conversations
[00:21:36] and then bring them up later
[00:21:38] to reinforce that connection.
[00:21:50] Her friends agreed she should be suspicious
[00:21:53] and they encouraged her to do a deeper dive
[00:21:55] into Kanan's background.
[00:21:57] That deeper dive led her to make some social media posts.
[00:22:01] because of the nature of the social media group,
[00:22:06] posted him in.
[00:22:07] Once you post, it's up.
[00:22:10] And so initially, after I found out about the first woman,
[00:22:15] I ended it and I was grieving that relationship
[00:22:18] just in the he cheated on me.
[00:22:22] But it was also a casual cheat.
[00:22:25] She didn't think that they were exclusive.
[00:22:27] It was sort of a hookup thing.
[00:22:29] But because of the social media group,
[00:22:33] women would comment
[00:22:34] when they would come across the post.
[00:22:37] So up to even today,
[00:22:41] I will get comments from people
[00:22:43] saying that they had an interaction.
[00:22:46] And so what ended up happening is
[00:22:48] over the next couple months,
[00:22:50] more and more women were commenting
[00:22:52] and their stories didn't match mine
[00:22:55] as far as his history and those things.
[00:22:58] A lot of people would have washed their hands of the man,
[00:23:02] licked their wounds and moved on.
[00:23:04] But that's not Britney.
[00:23:05] The more Britney learned about the other women,
[00:23:09] the less she wanted to know about Canaan.
[00:23:11] Especially when she learned
[00:23:13] his wife was very much alive.
[00:23:15] So I think it was about two months
[00:23:17] after we had split.
[00:23:20] And the more I heard from other women
[00:23:24] and then I was connected with a person
[00:23:27] who had dated him way before me.
[00:23:31] So somebody from his past.
[00:23:33] That's when I learned
[00:23:34] that he had another child.
[00:23:37] That person didn't even know about the son.
[00:23:40] And I did a deeper dive.
[00:23:43] I found out that his ex-wife
[00:23:44] was not his ex-wife
[00:23:45] and that she also was still very much alive.
[00:23:50] And I mean,
[00:23:51] there were pictures of them on the internet
[00:23:53] at football games and things.
[00:23:55] She,
[00:23:56] I have not confirmed this personally,
[00:23:58] but from every picture I have seen of her since,
[00:24:02] she does not look like there is any illness
[00:24:05] or drug addiction.
[00:24:07] I mean,
[00:24:07] she's a happy mom
[00:24:09] that I don't know what her relationship is with Canaan.
[00:24:12] I don't know if they're married,
[00:24:14] living separately.
[00:24:15] If she's no contact,
[00:24:17] there's no way for me
[00:24:19] without disrupting her life
[00:24:21] to get that information.
[00:24:23] Before we get into Brittany's relationships
[00:24:25] with other people,
[00:24:27] what would you like to ask his real wife
[00:24:29] if you met her?
[00:24:30] I just want to hear her story
[00:24:32] because I would imagine
[00:24:34] whatever the situation is with the child,
[00:24:37] it has to be a pretty wild story.
[00:24:40] As for where all this is taking her,
[00:24:42] that's a work in progress.
[00:24:44] She continues to talk with women
[00:24:46] who've been through similar experiences
[00:24:48] and listens to what they have to say.
[00:24:51] That part of the diary has yet to be written.
[00:24:54] But what about Brittany?
[00:24:56] Has she sworn off dating?
[00:24:59] After two divorces
[00:25:00] and admittedly being attracted to men
[00:25:02] who are emotionally unavailable,
[00:25:04] has she closed the door on her love life
[00:25:06] and thrown away the key?
[00:25:09] Will she let some other guy fuck her up?
[00:25:12] Unfortunately, yes,
[00:25:13] because in the end,
[00:25:16] I still want a partner.
[00:25:19] There's still that goal
[00:25:20] of having somebody
[00:25:21] that I get to share my life with.
[00:25:23] And I would be very mad at myself
[00:25:26] if I let Kanan change that.
[00:25:29] So I'm a little more cautious
[00:25:31] and it's not like a Bitcoin scam
[00:25:35] where somebody tries to get my bank account
[00:25:37] and they steal $5,000.
[00:25:38] It's like I know
[00:25:39] to never ever do these steps again.
[00:25:42] In love,
[00:25:44] you have to figure out
[00:25:45] how to trust yourself enough
[00:25:47] to be willing
[00:25:50] to put yourself out there again.
[00:25:52] And, you know,
[00:25:54] it's probably going to happen again.
[00:25:57] But who knows?
[00:25:59] There's so many people
[00:26:01] that have reached out to me
[00:26:02] that have similar stories.
[00:26:03] And it's a little scary
[00:26:05] how common it is,
[00:26:07] especially in online dating
[00:26:08] in my age bracket.
[00:26:11] When you're looking for a connection
[00:26:13] with another person,
[00:26:14] it's a matter of putting yourself out there.
[00:26:17] Whether it's online or in a bar,
[00:26:20] we have to make ourselves vulnerable
[00:26:22] to learn about other people's vulnerabilities
[00:26:24] and determine if those can be compatible.
[00:26:28] This is Brittany's story
[00:26:30] and it's still being written.
[00:26:33] Kanan has a story too,
[00:26:35] but he declined to be interviewed.
[00:26:37] Next time,
[00:26:38] we'll talk with some experts
[00:26:39] about love,
[00:26:41] relationships,
[00:26:42] and romance scams.
[00:26:44] I'll try to find out
[00:26:45] what it is in us
[00:26:46] that ignore the red flags
[00:26:48] and charge ahead
[00:26:49] into perilous waters.
[00:26:51] That's next time
[00:26:52] on Scams and Cons.
[00:26:59] If you enjoy the podcast
[00:27:00] and want to support it,
[00:27:02] please tell your friends
[00:27:03] and encourage them to listen.
[00:27:05] If you want to show us some love,
[00:27:07] consider donating a few dollars a month
[00:27:09] via Patreon.
[00:27:11] It not only helps with expenses,
[00:27:13] it allows us to take the podcast
[00:27:15] to the next level,
[00:27:16] all without advertising.
[00:27:19] You can sign up
[00:27:20] by going to patreon.com
[00:27:22] and search for Scams and Cons.
[00:27:24] That's p-a-t-r-e-o-n dot com.
[00:27:28] You can also find a link
[00:27:29] in the show notes.
[00:27:31] Thanks for listening.